Let your body (mind) heal

I feel like I’m always in healing mode. The subject came in as a text as I sat in the doctors office. This entire visit made me smile and just truly be thankful. I realize that so many great things are coming, but those bad things have to also come.

I am healed when I laugh. I am healed when I cry. I am healed when I sit in silence. I am healed when I write. I am healed when I walk my dog. I am healed when I pray. I am healed when I exercise.

I have an ugly scar on my leg that I managed to get two years ago. It’s my battle scar. This scar should have been stitched up when I initially hurt myself, but I was too “strong” to go to the hospital to get stitches. Oh how it hurt! It hurt so bad and honestly I don’t know if it was one month, two months, or three months, but I took care of it daily. I wrapped it, cleaned it, unwrapped it, let it breathe, avoided water on it and eventually it healed. I never exactly knew when it would heal, but one day I was able to take a shower without avoiding to get water on that right leg. And while it left a pretty ugly scar, it’s symbolic of how I just always look at life.

Things will hurt us. Things will perplex us. We might question it. Or we might even avoid going to receive help because we are “strong” and that’s ok because in time everything heals. Today during my doctors appointment, I smiled at the results after seeing I was back to my healthy self and I realized in time things will happen the way they should and they did….

With every bad, there is always good! My tab was picked up because I took time to help someone when I saw they needed help, a beautiful text was sent because “..you never know the impact you truly make in lives” it read. And I’m satisfied with this and just like I did with my leg, I will not shed a tear. I cleaned it with alcohol, peroxide, and used ointment prior to wrapping it and I never screamed even though that alcohol stung. I handled myself with care and I took time daily to give it attention and I plan to do that with self!

Today and everyday I promise myself that I will continue to love me more and more. I will learn to be extremely selfish to protect myself. I will walk away and turn my back on anything that I know will not be essential to my growth and my future.

And I challenge you to take time to heal and trust that good will always come out of every situation.

Next weekend I get to see Oprah, I spent the holiday with beautiful friends! I was able to see the true color of people and God removed them from me and it makes my heart, soul, and being happy to know that HE protects me.

The following month, I’m booking a trip to the Caribbean and I’m going to continue to be patient with myself!

What will you do to heal? First you must remain calm and then you must sit still to figure things out!

#ThisThingCalledLifeEmbraceIt

You will be blessed ….divine assignment

When others see how well you “wear it,” it’s because your testimony is God ordained for you to gain strength!

https://subspla.sh/g2w7yv8

Don’t lose who you are because you fall! Pick yourself up and remind yourself of your purpose!

#WithEveryBadThereisGood

#AlwaysCovered

#DisconnectFromPeopleToGetSelfTogether

#TheRightPeopleAtRightTime

I see you…

I haven’t blogged in awhile. I can’t even say it’s because I’ve been too busy. I believe it’s because I needed time to just sit and appreciate the stillness. New lessons were learned during this stillness; take care of yourself first.

I found myself lying in a hospital bed four hours before I was to be on a flight back home. I kept thanking my friend for being there with me. She only left my side so that I could discuss things privately with the doctors, but she didn’t mind. I advised her to stay, but she gave me privacy. I shed a few tears during my lone time.

She took me to eat afterwards, with the sisterly love she has for me, she continued to take care of me. She looked at my plate and gently told me to eat more. She made me drink more liquids. My heart smiled at this although my blood pressure was initially high because of sadness, anger, and just being in awe with what was happening to me. Her gentleness and unconditional love was what I needed. We also purchased lavender and other things to calm me. I really can’t even explain how I feel. Possibly disappointed that I allowed people in my space, a bit confused, and maybe even a tad bit angry… or hell a lot angry. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I have learned to laugh at stupidity. I have also learned what unconditional love is. I have learned that God orchestrates things sometimes for us to be safe. He also provides us with a blueprint of our dreams and hearts, but we still fail to trust this oftentimes because we think what we have drawn is better. Ha…..

I have learned to embrace life even when it’s dragging me down a bumpy road. I’ve been able to appreciate those situations that might overwhelm you most times. Yesterday was one of those moments.

I’ve sat in silence. I walk my dog and watch his movements. I have watched how happy he is when I pick up his leash, when I open the door from a short day or a long day, or when I give him a treat. Watching him and his newfound friends (my friends dogs) have reminded me about the importance of life; to be happy, seclude yourself from toxic, hold yourself accountable when you set boundaries, and be at peace at all times.

My time in the hospital was confirmation to love self. My girlfriend reminded me of the importance of self worth and as she took time to make sure I ate, understood the medicine I had to take, and remind me of my self worth, I questioned God, “why……??????” And then I remembered what A friend said when he called this morning to check on me. “You are special and stay away from people with issues. You will be fine.” It hurts thinking that there are people who are hateful and mean. It hurts even more to know that they have been so close to you. It saddens me to know that people will hurt because they hurt and project those negative emotions because they are too selfish to go get help. And it hurts to hear and see the lies and deceit.

My New Years resolution every year is to continue reflecting and being me. Throughout the year I self reflect and create goals as I see the need to and this year I will not change. I will continue to look in the mirror and adjust to make me a better person and enjoy the walks and lessons from everything around me; lately it’s been my dog. Dogs love unconditionally!

I took him on a plane ride for the first time and for two days I prepped him. I sprayed him down with calming spray, I gave him a Benedryl to see the side effects, I put him in his bag with his thunder shirt throughout the day. I was nervous for him. I was unsure of how he would do on the plane, but he did amazing! As I rubbed him through the bag, spoke softly to him, I saw that he stopped shaking as much and eventually he went to sleep.

My girlfriend did that for me. She rubbed me down, she hugged me. She kissed my check and prayed for me. She placed a diffuser in the room with lavender. She left me in my solitude and just like my dog, I eventually went to sleep and all the toxic left me.

So today, I focused on being calm and loving me the same way they (my dog and my friends) and He loves me; unconditionally!

#ThisThingCalledLifeEmbraceIt

#KnowYourSelfWorth #DontAcceptMediocre

#5wk1daygone

#12272019

#CalmAndPeace

#HumbleBrag

I don’t give myself enough credit for what I have accomplished. I visited a girlfriend for a week and it honored me that she not only read my book, but she completed the tasks. A high school friend of mine did too. A few sorors shared they did too. A good college buddy did too. A stranger reached out and said she did too.

These challenges helped me heal myself and taught me a lot about life.

This one is one of my favorites. I wrote letters to myself to give myself kudos for what I’ve done. I write these letters to remind myself of what I’ve conquered in all aspects of my life. I write letters to myself to remind me that it’s going to be ok when things begin to get hectic, my thoughts are all over the place, and I begin to challenge Gods choices.

I write letters to myself to remind me that my journey is just that. I remind myself to embrace it all and remember that He will never forsaken me.

#ThisThingCalledLifeChallenges

Always look in the mirror

The end of the year is always time for people to self reflect. I do this all year. From sticky notes, to planners with notes, to notes in my phone, I reflect.

I am hard on myself. I challenge myself to do better. I create pros and cons list when I’m unsure and then pray on it.

For awhile now I prayed and wished for something and sadly it came true with a huge expense. I realized that I obviously failed to truly trust myself and hold me accountable, but life goes on and the only thing to do is learn from it and make sure I always take long glances of myself in the mirror!

#ThisThingCalledLifeEmbraceIt

#LookInTheMirror

Thankful That I am a Black Woman – Pre Queen & Slim Reflective Blog…

No one will ever understand those ignorant comments made by people that do not look like her. No one can sympathize with her because her uniqueness, boldness, and ability to shake the hardest, meanest, and most devastating comment.

As I type, I’m reminded of Harriet Washington’s book Medical Apartheid and sadly that mess is still….an…issue…in 2019.

No one outside of this selected group of beings understand the mental strength that we possess to deal with the world that does so much to belittle us, harass us, make us feel bad for having confident stances, loud and bold voices, and the strength to call a person out even if that means risking cutting off our hair, defending someone who hurt our loved one, or being vulnerable when we know the reality….

It will likely come back to be used against because … well it just will…

No one other than the Black woman will ever understand the strength or courage she posses. No one other than this amazing woman will ever understand the exhaustion she could feel daily if she fails to self care. No one will understand that inner strength that she gets from the power of prayer, from that mentor, and just knowing she has no room for failure except another Black Woman.

Oh my… NO one will understand those macro aggressions that she face other than another Black Woman. Welp, let me specify another Black Woman who is true to herself and willing to advocate for those changes that she knows is there. You know, the one who also mirrors the strength of her sister and is just as passionate about changing. No one will understand except those that desire …the same equal opportunity…

I’ve personally grown tired of those that sit in the corner and talk, but are too afraid to act…. ever seen those…?? I’ve seen many more of these since I’ve grown in my career and it saddens me for so many reasons…

I’ve met so many who are too afraid to hear their own voice, but will stand way in the back and silently cheer and then clap when they see that rewarding outcome. But who can blame her? To be a Black Woman is exhausting. She must multitask, while she protects her family, while always being challenged by those that do not look like her, and those darn macro aggressions… I think I said that already though cuts our soul.

Oh how they cut our soul! How do we handle it? Prayer, uplifting each other, and we multitask while we do this.

We are strong, but even during those harsh trials and those events that we know we will conquer, we grow weary of the process. Why the hell do we have to prove who we are to mainstream? Why are we still the minority when we have so many sisters that are just as talented?

Im sure that no one could possibly understand the need to constantly battle with yourself and even reminding that sister or girlfriend of yours to hold it together even when you want to lose it! No one understands those moments like a Black Woman when we are standing in the middle of a race war and we have to file yet another EEOC because that colleague of yours is just….being themselves and you want to lose it and those high up still fail to be honest about….the racism and all those other darn “isms” that wont leave until someone addresses it.

How many times have you had to prove to others that you were capable… but because you are a Black Woman you had to work extra hard to show them instead of having that initial trust? What about those times that you have to pretend that you are ok? It is ok to admit you are ok, except if you are a Black Woman right?

How many times have you grown tired of being asked if that’s your real hair and is your child’s father your husband? Is yours?? No one could possibly understand trying to balance it all together, while also fighting that urge to literally cuss that boss out for making those blatant racial remarks. Or even refrain from wishing bad on a person because it’s not God-like for not being able to stand up for….YOU because they are scared of those that don’t look like you? How about wanting to yell when you know “they” got away with that same ish that we have to remind our black babies not to do….

No one could possibly understand the pain we feel when we have those who are so disrespectful to us, but they will always get away with. It reminds me of the second episode of the television show The Office. No one could understand how being in White spaces alone as a professional hurts our soul, makes us wish that we could raise all the black and brown kids to believe in themselves and share this space with us.

I’m not speaking on behalf of every Black Woman, but I am speaking on behalf of myself as a Black Woman.

My encounters as an educated Black Woman have been paralyzing to say the least. I grow tired of having to suppress my amazingness and even those talents that are God sent to make others feel as if I’m not “showing-off.” I’m often seen to “them” as an aggressor because of my passion. The passion stems because: 1. I want others who look like me to be treated with respect even if they don’t carry the alphabets that I have at the end of my name; 2. I’m exhausted!

The latter is what I want to focus on for awhile. It’s 2019 and we are still discussing race related issues. I’m still challenged about what I’ve accomplished, my Black girlfriends are still tired as FUXX because they are holding down those white spaces alone and it’s just exhausting. I took myself to the movies last weekend to see Harriet. It was enlightening, but I watch movies as such now to see if they parallel the text that many will never read. Those text by Harriet Washington and those speeches by Maria Stewart that showcase the issues that we still have yet to overcome. I watch movies to see if they capture the true stories of our Blackness. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us, but I want them to learn that … their life is NOT ours. Everyone will never have the same opportunity because some of us come out of the womb as: Black, female, and … will not have the privilege that mainstream seems oblivious that they have.

I am still angry with what happened at the end of the movie

I watched last weekend. I saw Harriet and was enjoying my movie when a white woman felt the need to stand in front of me (during the credits) and ask if I was ok. I nodded with my eyebrow up, my head slightly slanted.. .(you know in that annoyed stance we all can give) and before I knew it, she bent down and embraced me while saying “Well I’m not!”

How dare you touch me!! Why did you need to touch me and hug me when your friend stood right beside me.

This is White people stuff and believe me I LOVE all people but this has got to stop!

I was not enslaved. Yes, I know a lot about my family line, but I am not those that suffered. I don’t need an apology, but what I do need is for you to respect my space. Respect me! What we do need is for you to learn the ENTIRE history and therefore you will not be shocked when you watch a movie about true history. We don’t have time for you to put your guilt on…. US… help us by reading and being open minded. Help us by learning history versus ignoring…

Don’t look shocked when I share what I do for a living. Don’t looked shocked that I have one child and he is sixteen, while trying to figure out my age . No! I was not a teenage parent, but I have many girlfriends who were and…? We age well, we can speak the standard American English, but we don’t have to because … we have choices! But oh a Black Woman can underhand this…

I am NOT what you see on media, or what you think you know, or what you just make assumptions about and I’m tired ….

I’m exhausted after my Black girlfriends and I discuss via texts or phone calls or even face to face conversations the issues we constantly have with being…. the only one in our area. Not only is it exhausting but it sheds light on progress that is still needed for us to grow as a people. Maybe we all need to take a fieldtrip out to see that everyone shares a different story side.

Maybe we all need to swap roles like we see in “The White Man’s Burden.”

Because of these constant racial issues, things happen that hurt us inside. We have more of a need for therapy because sadly we can’t even focus on therapy to help us grow in our personal lives, but we have to tack on the issues of micro aggression…

I mean macro aggression in our professional lives.

So, we go to school and get those degrees like Kanye says and then we still have to deal with more “ish.?” It’s a wonder that Black women are still leading and growing at progressive rates, but it’s no surprise that we are more stressed and it stems from many people who do not look like us, who want to hug us to lay their guilt on us, and who will never be open-minded, because they don’t know how to listen and actively hear.

I must say, I am thankful that I am a Black Woman because I possess the strength, the courage, and the audacity to be my genuine self… but I am also thankful that I am “that” Black Woman who is fearless because of my faith, and realize that through all of those things that only we can understand, I have promised myself I will stand up and advocate so that our generation of young people will stand beside me soon and they will hopefully not have to understand all the ….issues that we are still facing in 2019.

Please don’t touch me to lay your guilt on me, my space is sacred.

I am open for dialogue, but I am not open for you to shed a tear for a moment just because you failed to educate yourself.

#BlackWomenAreAmazing

#ThisThingCalledLifeEmbraceIt

Afro, Locs, & Biz- a podcast with Charles and Tia

I miss my locs. I miss sitting and chatting with my loctitian. I miss the smell of my hair after it was oiled and washed. I even miss the weight of my hair. And after listening to a new podcast “Afros, Locs, & Biz, hosted by Charles and Tia, I miss them even more.

Natural hair is something that many more Blacks are embracing now. I grew up going to the salon for my hairdresser to relax my hair. It would burn. I would have to sleep in a certain position. I was in the hair salon for hours and hours. I hated it.

I grew up never believing that it was ok to embrace my kinky hair. For ten years I grew what many call locs. I don’t say dreads, but they are locs. A little after the ten year mark, I sat in front of the television and cut them off one by one. For me it symbolized a new journey. For me it symbolized the need to grow. But for each of the year that I wore my locs, I built memories and connections. They became more than just my hair.

In 2012 I embarked on this new journey which was called law school. Not only was I extremely apprehenisive about this journey, but I was also unsure about a lot of pieces that went along with planning for this new journey. I commutted 75 miles one way. I taught a full load at a university that was an extra 20 miles,and I had so many other obligations.

The first face I saw in my building was this young man and we exchanged pleasantries and the connection was because of our locs. I would have never imagined that the IT guy during law school would turn out to be a major part of my law school journey. We instantly connected sharing stories about our hair, which opened up an endearing friendship. Sadly, I cut mine and they are now in a ziploc bag, but every time I think of the calm for me during this journey, I think of Mr. Charles Eddy. I have so many stories that we shared, so many emails, and this friendly relationship helped me to understand the sentiments that we are told; “God always sends an angel to you” in the time of need. And our connection was our hair.

When my brand new Macbook had issues (or maybe it was the user who had the issues), he was there. I heard stories of his beautiful wife, I grew excited about his first son, and when this journey ended, he was one of the people I missed most. We discussed our hair ALOT, and I’m truly missing my locs right now just thinking about them.

Well, fast forward and I just listened to his first podcast episode. Please check him out at: https://anchor.fm/afroslocsbiz

Also he can be found on all of the major podcast apps, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, Castbox, and many others!

He shares below a lot of gems; to include, the purpose of his podcast, and highlights of some of his favorite podcasts. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love a great podcast and this one was a great listen!

Check out Tia and Charles

Ki O’Shea: Who are you ?

Charles: I’m an IT tech who’s not just an IT guy. I’ve always been the creative type, so I’m into all things artistic- writing, music, culinary, woodworking, drawing, painting…anything creative. I’m also a dad of two. I love being a dad and I’m very hands-on, which for some strange reason is shocking and impressive to some people. It shouldn’t be. 

Ki O’Shea: What inspired this podcast?

Charles: First, I’m a podcast junkie, so I listen to a large number and variety of podcasts. There are millions of stories being told out there and I thought I’d lend my voice to these stories. I love black culture and black history. Black hair is a big part of black culture. You can’t have a thorough conversation on black culture without talking about black hair. I didn’t want to talk about black hair only from a historical view, but from the current culture, also. I also have a strong love for business and entrepreneurs, especially small businesses, so I wanted us to highlight that also. The hair industry is a multi-billion dollar industry, and I wanted to highlight those businesses and business owners who are on the producer and service-provider side of that multi-billion dollars and hopefully inspire the next generation of entrepreneurs with these narratives

Ki O’Shea: Why do I think podcasting is so popular

Charles: I think podcasting is so popular because of convenience. The internet and social media has given many people a voice to express themselves for the world to hear on subjects no one would have heard them on 25-30 years ago. So I think beginning with AOL chat rooms to MySpace to blogs, and now to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, people have been given more and more freedom to express themselves over various platforms. I think podcasts are just the natural evolution of that online expression. So once upon a time you had to get hired at a radio station and then get access to a studio in order to broadcast your thoughts. Now you only need your phone and an app. There are literally no barriers and people are taking advantage of that freedom. 

Ki O’Shea: Who are your favorite podcasters:

Charles: I like much of what the NY Times is putting out by way of podcasts. I like The Daily and Still Processing, which are both produced by NY Times. 

I like Preet Bharara’s podcast Stay Tuned With Preet. He keeps me up on what’s going on in Washington and I like how he breaks down the legal aspects of whatever the topic is. 

I love Nicaila Matthews Okome’s podcast, Side Hustle Pro. I’ve learned of a lot of black entrepreneurs through that show and even purchased items from them. Luvvie Ajayi and Yvonne Orji’s podcast Jesus and Jollof is wonderful. It’s funny yet informative. The Nod from Gimlet Media is really funny and also can be informative. Every weekend I listen to It’s Been A Minute with Sam Sanders and get caught up on the news of the week. I even listen to a story telling podcast called Circle Round when my son is in the car sometimes. 

Ki O’Shea: What advice do you have for future podcasters:

Charles: I don’t have much advice for future podcasters mainly because I’m still figuring things out myself. I would say find a topic you really care about and that means a lot to you. It’s easier to talk about something if you care about it. Do your research. Know what kind of equipment you’ll need, what distributor you want to use, how much all that will cost and is starting a podcast going to fit into your schedule. They require a lot of planning, which can be time consuming. You’ll also want to research your topics. People want to know that you know what you’re talking about when they decide to listen to your show. Have fun!

Check Charles and Tia out!!