The pieces to the puzzle….

I am a naturally silly person. I love to laugh!  I love to be goofy!  I am extremely corny, and I can accept this about myself.  I love music.  I love to sing and I don’t care what ANY one says; I can!  I can sing like Whitney and Jennifer!  I can sing like Aretha on somedays too!  Honestly, I think can blow, but in reality I really am not that talented. However,  I really don’t care what people say when they hear me sing, because in my heart; in my soul; and in my mind, I can sing! YUP!  I can sing!! (Ok now, I am just convincing myself….saying this as I am singing) Seriously, anything that I  have ever really wanted, I have set my mind to conquer.  Even when those crazy ( and I mean CRAZY….KRAZY…KKKRRRAAZZYY)  obstacles appear out of no where I am determined to figure them out and accomplish those goals that I set.  I use my sources and I never mind asking for help.  I realized that people, places, things, and ideas ( I guess I could have just said nouns) are there for us to utilize.  One of my favorite people (my mentor who has been there for most of my life )  coined a hashtag for me #ONLYME. He gave me some cool motivational words and made me realize that with every bad, there really is a good, but too often we are so stuck on the bad.

I share all of the above, because I am always asked “Why are you so happy?”  As a matter of fact, my 15 year old son and I get this quite often.  We are told that we have beautiful spirits with so much optimism. I believe it is because I know who I am.  I know who I am.  I am comfortable singing completely out of tune.  I am ok with my loud, squeaky laugh (eeewwwkkk Des…that one is for you!) And even in those times of doubt, deep down I know who I am,what I like, and what I will tolerate.  That part of my puzzle is very clear.  That confidence and assurance is that beautiful picture of myself. It was probably because of the affirmations that my parents gave me as a child.  My mom would always sing a song to me, “Kiera O’Shea is her name.  The prettiest little girl in the whole wide world.  Kiera O’Shea is her name, is her name.”  And you know what?  I believed it then, and I still believe it.  She made me believe that about both my inner and outer beauty.  My dad gave me the same assurance and made me realize the importance of education and being knowledgeable about life and what it has to offer me.

I am sure that I passed that confidence, assurance, and the importance of education to my son (I’ll give his dad and all of those that help me some credit, but I am selfish and today  and I want to take all of the credit…lol) and is why he too is complimented.  When I asked him one day how does he cope while being a Type 1 diabetic, the many transitions that he has endured, and even the most devastating one; being in a coma for almost a week with doctors believing he would be brain dead, he smiled and shrugged and said “I just do it.”

This is how easy it is to live life.  Remember those puzzle pieces I told you about?  Well, the easy part of life are those outside pieces. When you know what makes you, you,( slow down and read that…When you know what makes YOU, YOU…take that in!)  that is the foundation of your puzzle.  That is the foundation of you.  If you are anything like me, those are the pieces that you start with when you begin your puzzle.  They are easy.  They are easy because you don’t have to stress out about who you are.  Knowing who you are, what you like, and what you want in life are the essential pieces of your puzzle.  They are the essential pieces to understanding ( well not really, but sorta, not really, but maybe) #ThisThingCalledLife… Those pieces are less complicated, and they help with the organization of the puzzle.  That is similar to life.  Even those bad and scary parts of life are easy for us to deal with, because they are just small reminders that the entire puzzle cannot be hard! If you know who you are, you can have a lot more control over those complications.

Today I challenge you to come up with a list of things that you are truly sure of about yourself!  What do you like? What do you dislike?  Let’s begin this puzzle and start with that border; this is the easy part!  And as you come up with this list, be reminded that these are those pieces that will forever help you conquer!

 

Be blessed and catch that optimism!

 

Ki O’Shea

This Thing Called Life…embrace it, while understanding your puzzle will never come apart because it’s glued!

I realized awhile back that life is as complicated as you make it.  Life hurts us.  Life tests us.  Life makes you cry.  Life makes you laugh.  Life frustrates you.  It also scares you, while overwhelming you at the same time.  It even makes you laugh so damn hard that you pee on yourself.

I know this because like many of you reading this, I have felt every emotion that I think a human can feel.  Heck, sometimes I feel like my body created new emotions.  But this thing called life as I always say to my circle of friends and family just cannot be explained, but I do know that it can only hold you back from the enjoyment of it with your permission.  This simply means that again, you, me, we, us make our life complicated because of secrets we don’t want to share, reliving those horrible experiences, and even trying to be perfect.  The truth is we are all imperfectly perfect and until you, me, we, us understand this, we complicate our life.

We pray to get through trials while asking why.  Kind of oxymoronic, huh?  When we pray, ideally we are suppose to “Let go and let God,” right?  Well, because we are human and extremely inquisitive ones who desire a perfect life, we ask why and most of us are always trying to find the logic in things when the reality is: sometimes there just is not one!  We pray and also still want to be the “fixer-upper!”  Ha!  This defined me over the years.  I have always wanted to fix people.  I saw the good and I wanted to fix them, but the problem came when they didn’t want to be fixed.  So, this led me to a second-time around divorce because when I married, I did not realize that 1. hurt, hurt; and 2. you cannot fix a person, but you can advise if they want that information.  Neither are on your terms.

At any rate, we challenge our decisions, along with those signs that we always knew were there, and even the faith that we  really thought we have/had.  I cannot give you the answer to why we do that, but I can let you know that it is not good.  This thing called life is confusing, huh!? It creates chaos that seems impossible to calm.  It pushes us to the edge.  It makes us seem crazy and silly and dumb and insecure, but then we have those strange moments (that should be the everyday moments) that we feel great!  We feel like we are on top of the world!  WE are secure in our being, in our faith, and in our decision-making process. And if only these moments lasted all of the time!

At 18 years old, I thought I was grown.  19 years later, I wish that I was 18 years old again  only to tell my 18 year old self, “Girl, girl!  You have NO dang on clue what grown really is! ”  Life literally is a roller coaster or my analogy is a puzzle!

Recently I had a moment.  Right before turning 37, I packed two suitcases after deciding to leave my husband and moved from one country to another country.  During this move, I really begin to juxtapose my life to a puzzle.  My 36 -year -old piece of puzzle was imperfectly perfect (you will notice I love this phrase).  It was filled with memories of my life; my first tape cassettes (Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston…ha!  The irony); my first homecoming dance, my first boyfriend, going to college, and believe me the puzzle is not just of pictures that are all great.  There are many horrible memories on that puzzle too!  We will talk about those later, but this 36 year old puzzle that was filled with thousands and thousands of memories equated to so many pieces.  And as I moved and had to relocate because I just couldn’t stand to be in that situation anymore, I honestly felt my puzzle had come apart!  I literally broke down.  I called a friend and broke down.  I called another friend and broke down. I called my mentor and then another and broke down.  I even found myself breaking down with my son in the car one day.  At this point, I realized this: my puzzle was glued!  None of those pieces were gone!  Not a single one!  They were all in tact because the glue that held those pieces together were like that gorilla glue, but much stronger.  I guess its kinda, sorta like concrete glue.  Is that such a thing?  Well if not, I am a blogger, not an expert on glue!  But it is that kind of glue that will never break, tear, etc.  Now, the table that my puzzle was on, it broke.  And those pieces that I had to separate into piles and wait to put them together, they fell.  They were scattered.  They were very scattered!

This was symbolic to what everyone saw in me!  They saw me as together.  The only person that didn’t see me together was myself.  Those extra pieces are meaningless until you put them together and sadly I was so worried about them. And this what I have learned about #ThisThingCalledLife… You must embrace it and laugh and realize that those pieces that will fall at some point will not be the detriment of you.  For me, it wasn’t.  I still hold my degrees, my son, my circle of love, and most importantly my sanity and my faith!  I also hold memories!

So as we begin this journey, remember #ThisThingCalledLife…is not to be understood, but to find ways to enjoy it while making lasting memories that can be added to your puzzle piece.

Yours dearly,

Ki O’Shea