I realized I was healed the other day. I mean I still see the scars and I’m certain that I’ll have moments every so often, but I’m healed. It took a bit to heal myself because their are truly mean, vindictive people who are angry with themselves, but after prayer and my counselors suggestion to get mad, I’m fine. There issues are not my problem. I prayed, took lots random trips, loved on me a lot, and had to place myself as a priority.
I no longer feel sorry for those that are so focused on getting to the front of the line that they will hurt others, or in some cases become afraid to tell the truth. But then again, I never grew up in that kind of environment where I had to be scared of what to say. Ive never had to worry about winning a race because I walk in faith and even in those hard situations, I’ve never had to fear that I would end up in the back of the line. I will always win my race.
I sat still for awhile to pray on Part II of #ThisThingCalledLife. I was unsure if I wanted to truly address the “race “issue or if I wanted to remain centered on discussing positivity and encouraging people to conquer goals, and I realized I can’t do the latter without the former. My experiences as someone told me recently are you help others battling the same things.
A dear sweet sorority sister asked me to write the forward in her book and as I wrote and rewrote it, it was impossible to talk about the “race” we are still running in life without addressing race and racism. I have noticed that the more education, the more I advance, I see it. I see how so many cheat to win “race” and how many fall on purpose because they are afraid to run the “race.” The latter fear running because they know those obstacles are dangerous as hell and they are not strong enough to maneuver and I realized many are not even rationale or smart enough to see that the “race” takes more mental power than anything.
As I continue to sit still and continue to wait for a response to that racial issue I had at my last place of employment, I have finally exhaled. I read through testimonies and I laugh at what was said about me; I’m a bigot, I’m a racist, and so many other things because I am comfortable shedding light on what should not be accepted. I even laughed so damn hard as I think of the young person that recorded me. As much love as I project out to the world, as much wisdom as I have projected and receive, I smile knowing that I’m not going to change who I am. I am ok with being me. I recall the lunch I had with a parent whose child I “pushed” because others were to afraid to help him win the race.
I exhale knowing that the comparison made between being a homosexual and being Black is an unfair comparison; pineapples cannot be compared to fried okra. I exhale accepting that many will never get the that Black skin will never fade to a lighter color. I exhale and have finally accepted that my race will never put me in the back because I am confident, I am what some might deem as radical, and as I help my young Black males are who I teach by advocating for them, loving them like my own child, and saying things that many are afraid to say, I find satisfaction that I can stand my ground and not be afraid to lose my race.
I’m healed, I’ve forgiven, and I have elected to run my race without caring what others have to think.
#unbothered #notafraid #resultsDontMatter