Having the ability to forgive… or not

I started my year off centering on positivity, but I also had a bit of “hate” in my heart. I was unable to let something go and it would have stood in my way had I not let it go.

I received Common’s book for Christmas and the beginning of his book made me call my son to apologize to him. In his book he discusses a pretty intense discussion with his daughter. I am always afraid that my son will come to me years and years later and throw a tantrum or get mad at me for not providing him with the television version of the American Dream. And then it doesn’t help that over the years I didn’t think I was the best mom ever. I have been unable to truly protect him from “life” all of the time and I wanted him to know that I wish I could have. I shared stories and gave analogies and while it made me feel better, I still do not know if he truly understood where I was coming from. But, he said he forgave me. It made me feel ok, but it was not really about the forgiveness as it was about being understood or maybe….it was not about either?

Honestly, I do not know why this was important for me to say, but I was happy that he forgave me and told me that he was not bothered by my parent or lackthereof. (I really am a great mom, but society has certain expectations that many feel we should meet to be a great mom/dad; hence remaining married…) Many of the things I shared with him, I really had no true control over them, but I wanted to ensure he felt as if he was able to discuss them with me whenever he felt.

I share the above because recently I had a discussion and my own personal battle with forgiven. We want people to forgive us, but oftentimes we cannot forgive. I battled with this for the first eight days of 2020 and what I said I would never do….let’s just say that I have learned to keep my mouth shut regarding what I will not do. I was pretty mean and harsh about never forgiving, but my son forgave me, God forgives me daily, and so many others forgive me for my shortcomings, but I am pretty darn special that I deserve something different? Well, I did until God pushed me last night to forgive.

Yesterday I sat at Woolworth counter in Nashville. My photographer took pictures of me. I asked three gentlemen if they would allow me to photograph them as well. This entire session made me think of a racial matter. My mom is sixty years old. Sixty years ago people that look like my mom and myself were advocating for the right to sit at a lunch counter. These same people were advocating for just equal rights. I have many mentors that lived and were part of the Civil Rights Movement. They were there to remember the sit-ins and while they are still cautious of the acts of certain people, they have forgiven. This is the only way that they are able to grow and live their lives. I could never imagine living during this era, but to see my mentors share stories and even remind me of #lifeslessons, it took a lot for them to forgive people who hurt not just them, but their families and even friends.

https://luciapazosphotographer.pic-time.com/portfolio

And I must say that forgiving is not easy at all….but holding on to grudges and hate is not easy either. So, as you conquer the joys, the challenges, the beauty of life, take a moment to forgive.

#ForgivingDoesNotMeanYouHaveToBuildAnotherRelationship #ForgivenessIsGrowth #ThisThingCalledLifeEmbraceItbyForgiving #HaveYouForgivenToday #NashvilleSitIns

https://luciapazosphotographer.pic-time.com/portfolio

Published by thisthingcalledlifebyki

I am a woman who realized life is what you make it! I am a mom, an ex-wife (two times), a lawyer, an educator, a librarian, and most important an overall loving person! I am me and I am taking #ThisThingCalledLife and embracing it!

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