I haven’t blogged in awhile. I can’t even say it’s because I’ve been too busy. I believe it’s because I needed time to just sit and appreciate the stillness. New lessons were learned during this stillness; take care of yourself first.
I found myself lying in a hospital bed four hours before I was to be on a flight back home. I kept thanking my friend for being there with me. She only left my side so that I could discuss things privately with the doctors, but she didn’t mind. I advised her to stay, but she gave me privacy. I shed a few tears during my lone time.
She took me to eat afterwards, with the sisterly love she has for me, she continued to take care of me. She looked at my plate and gently told me to eat more. She made me drink more liquids. My heart smiled at this although my blood pressure was initially high because of sadness, anger, and just being in awe with what was happening to me. Her gentleness and unconditional love was what I needed. We also purchased lavender and other things to calm me. I really can’t even explain how I feel. Possibly disappointed that I allowed people in my space, a bit confused, and maybe even a tad bit angry… or hell a lot angry. 🤷🏽♀️
I have learned to laugh at stupidity. I have also learned what unconditional love is. I have learned that God orchestrates things sometimes for us to be safe. He also provides us with a blueprint of our dreams and hearts, but we still fail to trust this oftentimes because we think what we have drawn is better. Ha…..
I have learned to embrace life even when it’s dragging me down a bumpy road. I’ve been able to appreciate those situations that might overwhelm you most times. Yesterday was one of those moments.
I’ve sat in silence. I walk my dog and watch his movements. I have watched how happy he is when I pick up his leash, when I open the door from a short day or a long day, or when I give him a treat. Watching him and his newfound friends (my friends dogs) have reminded me about the importance of life; to be happy, seclude yourself from toxic, hold yourself accountable when you set boundaries, and be at peace at all times.
My time in the hospital was confirmation to love self. My girlfriend reminded me of the importance of self worth and as she took time to make sure I ate, understood the medicine I had to take, and remind me of my self worth, I questioned God, “why……??????” And then I remembered what A friend said when he called this morning to check on me. “You are special and stay away from people with issues. You will be fine.” It hurts thinking that there are people who are hateful and mean. It hurts even more to know that they have been so close to you. It saddens me to know that people will hurt because they hurt and project those negative emotions because they are too selfish to go get help. And it hurts to hear and see the lies and deceit.
My New Years resolution every year is to continue reflecting and being me. Throughout the year I self reflect and create goals as I see the need to and this year I will not change. I will continue to look in the mirror and adjust to make me a better person and enjoy the walks and lessons from everything around me; lately it’s been my dog. Dogs love unconditionally!
I took him on a plane ride for the first time and for two days I prepped him. I sprayed him down with calming spray, I gave him a Benedryl to see the side effects, I put him in his bag with his thunder shirt throughout the day. I was nervous for him. I was unsure of how he would do on the plane, but he did amazing! As I rubbed him through the bag, spoke softly to him, I saw that he stopped shaking as much and eventually he went to sleep.
My girlfriend did that for me. She rubbed me down, she hugged me. She kissed my check and prayed for me. She placed a diffuser in the room with lavender. She left me in my solitude and just like my dog, I eventually went to sleep and all the toxic left me.
So today, I focused on being calm and loving me the same way they (my dog and my friends) and He loves me; unconditionally!