Thankful That I am a Black Woman – Pre Queen & Slim Reflective Blog…

No one will ever understand those ignorant comments made by people that do not look like her. No one can sympathize with her because her uniqueness, boldness, and ability to shake the hardest, meanest, and most devastating comment.

As I type, I’m reminded of Harriet Washington’s book Medical Apartheid and sadly that mess is still….an…issue…in 2019.

No one outside of this selected group of beings understand the mental strength that we possess to deal with the world that does so much to belittle us, harass us, make us feel bad for having confident stances, loud and bold voices, and the strength to call a person out even if that means risking cutting off our hair, defending someone who hurt our loved one, or being vulnerable when we know the reality….

It will likely come back to be used against because … well it just will…

No one other than the Black woman will ever understand the strength or courage she posses. No one other than this amazing woman will ever understand the exhaustion she could feel daily if she fails to self care. No one will understand that inner strength that she gets from the power of prayer, from that mentor, and just knowing she has no room for failure except another Black Woman.

Oh my… NO one will understand those macro aggressions that she face other than another Black Woman. Welp, let me specify another Black Woman who is true to herself and willing to advocate for those changes that she knows is there. You know, the one who also mirrors the strength of her sister and is just as passionate about changing. No one will understand except those that desire …the same equal opportunity…

I’ve personally grown tired of those that sit in the corner and talk, but are too afraid to act…. ever seen those…?? I’ve seen many more of these since I’ve grown in my career and it saddens me for so many reasons…

I’ve met so many who are too afraid to hear their own voice, but will stand way in the back and silently cheer and then clap when they see that rewarding outcome. But who can blame her? To be a Black Woman is exhausting. She must multitask, while she protects her family, while always being challenged by those that do not look like her, and those darn macro aggressions… I think I said that already though cuts our soul.

Oh how they cut our soul! How do we handle it? Prayer, uplifting each other, and we multitask while we do this.

We are strong, but even during those harsh trials and those events that we know we will conquer, we grow weary of the process. Why the hell do we have to prove who we are to mainstream? Why are we still the minority when we have so many sisters that are just as talented?

Im sure that no one could possibly understand the need to constantly battle with yourself and even reminding that sister or girlfriend of yours to hold it together even when you want to lose it! No one understands those moments like a Black Woman when we are standing in the middle of a race war and we have to file yet another EEOC because that colleague of yours is just….being themselves and you want to lose it and those high up still fail to be honest about….the racism and all those other darn “isms” that wont leave until someone addresses it.

How many times have you had to prove to others that you were capable… but because you are a Black Woman you had to work extra hard to show them instead of having that initial trust? What about those times that you have to pretend that you are ok? It is ok to admit you are ok, except if you are a Black Woman right?

How many times have you grown tired of being asked if that’s your real hair and is your child’s father your husband? Is yours?? No one could possibly understand trying to balance it all together, while also fighting that urge to literally cuss that boss out for making those blatant racial remarks. Or even refrain from wishing bad on a person because it’s not God-like for not being able to stand up for….YOU because they are scared of those that don’t look like you? How about wanting to yell when you know “they” got away with that same ish that we have to remind our black babies not to do….

No one could possibly understand the pain we feel when we have those who are so disrespectful to us, but they will always get away with. It reminds me of the second episode of the television show The Office. No one could understand how being in White spaces alone as a professional hurts our soul, makes us wish that we could raise all the black and brown kids to believe in themselves and share this space with us.

I’m not speaking on behalf of every Black Woman, but I am speaking on behalf of myself as a Black Woman.

My encounters as an educated Black Woman have been paralyzing to say the least. I grow tired of having to suppress my amazingness and even those talents that are God sent to make others feel as if I’m not “showing-off.” I’m often seen to “them” as an aggressor because of my passion. The passion stems because: 1. I want others who look like me to be treated with respect even if they don’t carry the alphabets that I have at the end of my name; 2. I’m exhausted!

The latter is what I want to focus on for awhile. It’s 2019 and we are still discussing race related issues. I’m still challenged about what I’ve accomplished, my Black girlfriends are still tired as FUXX because they are holding down those white spaces alone and it’s just exhausting. I took myself to the movies last weekend to see Harriet. It was enlightening, but I watch movies as such now to see if they parallel the text that many will never read. Those text by Harriet Washington and those speeches by Maria Stewart that showcase the issues that we still have yet to overcome. I watch movies to see if they capture the true stories of our Blackness. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for us, but I want them to learn that … their life is NOT ours. Everyone will never have the same opportunity because some of us come out of the womb as: Black, female, and … will not have the privilege that mainstream seems oblivious that they have.

I am still angry with what happened at the end of the movie

I watched last weekend. I saw Harriet and was enjoying my movie when a white woman felt the need to stand in front of me (during the credits) and ask if I was ok. I nodded with my eyebrow up, my head slightly slanted.. .(you know in that annoyed stance we all can give) and before I knew it, she bent down and embraced me while saying “Well I’m not!”

How dare you touch me!! Why did you need to touch me and hug me when your friend stood right beside me.

This is White people stuff and believe me I LOVE all people but this has got to stop!

I was not enslaved. Yes, I know a lot about my family line, but I am not those that suffered. I don’t need an apology, but what I do need is for you to respect my space. Respect me! What we do need is for you to learn the ENTIRE history and therefore you will not be shocked when you watch a movie about true history. We don’t have time for you to put your guilt on…. US… help us by reading and being open minded. Help us by learning history versus ignoring…

Don’t look shocked when I share what I do for a living. Don’t looked shocked that I have one child and he is sixteen, while trying to figure out my age . No! I was not a teenage parent, but I have many girlfriends who were and…? We age well, we can speak the standard American English, but we don’t have to because … we have choices! But oh a Black Woman can underhand this…

I am NOT what you see on media, or what you think you know, or what you just make assumptions about and I’m tired ….

I’m exhausted after my Black girlfriends and I discuss via texts or phone calls or even face to face conversations the issues we constantly have with being…. the only one in our area. Not only is it exhausting but it sheds light on progress that is still needed for us to grow as a people. Maybe we all need to take a fieldtrip out to see that everyone shares a different story side.

Maybe we all need to swap roles like we see in “The White Man’s Burden.”

Because of these constant racial issues, things happen that hurt us inside. We have more of a need for therapy because sadly we can’t even focus on therapy to help us grow in our personal lives, but we have to tack on the issues of micro aggression…

I mean macro aggression in our professional lives.

So, we go to school and get those degrees like Kanye says and then we still have to deal with more “ish.?” It’s a wonder that Black women are still leading and growing at progressive rates, but it’s no surprise that we are more stressed and it stems from many people who do not look like us, who want to hug us to lay their guilt on us, and who will never be open-minded, because they don’t know how to listen and actively hear.

I must say, I am thankful that I am a Black Woman because I possess the strength, the courage, and the audacity to be my genuine self… but I am also thankful that I am “that” Black Woman who is fearless because of my faith, and realize that through all of those things that only we can understand, I have promised myself I will stand up and advocate so that our generation of young people will stand beside me soon and they will hopefully not have to understand all the ….issues that we are still facing in 2019.

Please don’t touch me to lay your guilt on me, my space is sacred.

I am open for dialogue, but I am not open for you to shed a tear for a moment just because you failed to educate yourself.



Published by thisthingcalledlifebyki

I am a woman who realized life is what you make it! I am a mom, an ex-wife (two times), a lawyer, an educator, a librarian, and most important an overall loving person! I am me and I am taking #ThisThingCalledLife and embracing it!

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