I went to the barbershop today. This was the second time I visited this barber. I moved again and one of the first places a girl like me has to do is find a place to get my hair done. This time, I decided to stick with a short cut and I even have a cute design…
My new barber told me that my smile and my being lit up the room. He said that the person that he sees me as (this is only the second time) is a person full of love. Prior to him cutting my hair, his client before asked if she could hug me as I fixed her shirt. She shed tears and asked me to pray for her as she shared other things.
A few day ago the guy that I’m dating shared “You are really special….” He said other things, but he said this in reference to what he sees me do daily, who he sees me talk to, and my interactions with people. He made me agree to accept this and I do. I realize that we all have a purpose in life. We are all given tasks to complete and mine is ….to bring joy and love to people.
I cannot always do this, but I do listen and pray and ask for extra love to be sent to certain people on certain days. I received a random text from a baby today, “ ..I’m happy my African American experience professor became my big sister, third mother, and a lifetime mentor (with an emoji) YOUR THE GREATEST QUEEN!!” I also received a phone call from another big baby telling me about her fourth week teaching…(eye roll) although I texted her after week one to check on her and she didn’t respond…But seriously, they pay it forward by just sharing kind words. And as I always share with them, they have given me so much that I am beyond thankful for them too!
But those that I ask for special prayers are those that go through those moments that are meant to build them up. But at that time, the crap hurts! One sent me a text that I was so hesitate to respond to this morning, because I just didn’t have the words to “fix” it. And I know how those moments are. It doesn’t matter what a person says, those tears and that hurt that almost seems paralyzing…and will just not go away until….
There is no set day or time. And as I think about her and two others that reached out today, I realized that today was the anniversary of my second marriage proposal. It was big…OMG it was big. I remember the entire day. I rememeber the crowd. I even remember walking on a football field fussing at the drum major that escorted me with my purse strapped across my body. Really? But I also remember the joy that I felt and less than two years later, actually a few months, maybe even a few hours after that, I recall pain and hurt and so many other feelings that I don’t ever want to relieve. But those feelings stayed until I worked on myself. Those feelings stayed until I believed what I put out there for everyone.
As my new barber, my new guy, my circle, and even that stranger who asked me to pray for her said, I do have a gift and sometimes we don’t use our gifts on ourselves and that prevents us from being the best person we can be.
As I told my barber today, we have so many great things that we conquer in our lives, but they are oftentimes overshadowed by the bad or those low moments. My guy shared with me the other day, for the one or two times we have had a miscommunication, we have had weeks and weeks of so many great days and laughs and just pure joyful moments…and you know what? I embrace that!
I embrace those moments that I laugh hard, that I almost pee on myself from laughing so hard, that I am hugged so tight that I know that I am truly loved. I embrace those painful moments too because they are there to remind us of what we don’t ever want to encounter again. There are also lessons in them.
On this journey, I have settled on learning Ki O’Shea and putting Ki O’Shea first. I am learning self care because if I cannot care for myself properly I am doing a disservice to my current family and friends and the future family I will gain. I will not allow the hurt that I once felt prevent me from being true to me.
So, as you read and you think of the place you are currently in, embrace it and sit in the moment! And Gayle, remember you are the jackpot!