Solitary Confinement =Growth

I always get the best calls when needed. Sometimes I don’t even think I need them, but once the conversation is over and I’m left feeling refreshed… whoa… that is when you know you needed to hear or feel that energy.

For years now, I have written an old classmate. He is in prison and for awhile he was in solitary confinement. I recently watched a documentary discussing an inmate who spent YEARS in solitary confinement. The only way he was able to survive is by changing his mind. He had to visualize himself out of the prison walls. He had to think positive and stay focused on the future. I can’t imagine spending 22 years in solitary confinement for a crime I did not commit. ( But this story is like so many other stories that places people in harsh situations just because…. the system is flawed.

It takes me back to even Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. Oh it reminds me so much of that first chapter… deceit, envy, hurt, and every attempt to humiliate someone for being something that others can’t be. .. you should check it out… great read! The first chapter might…. help one to understand a little more history… but…(there I go with those darn ellipsis again..)

I use to always have conversations with my dad (you see he was a teacher also) and he reminded me of the unfairness of life. Just like the narrator, I didn’t understand… and this is why I am constantly sharing this lesson with my son. You see, he is far from perfect. Right now he was just reprimanded about something, but he will understand later. But I am extremely proud of him for standing up for something that bothered him (#KIDSAREMEAN) and with tact….You know He cannot act out like some kids can…that would definitely cause someone to label…..OK let me stop and just say that It’s unfortunate that I have to remind my Black son to behave so he will not be that prisoner that I write. It’s unfortunate that I have to remind him that what those that don’t look like him will never be able to understand when he has to pull away from them…he cannot be that person to harass a teacher or even stay out to late or drive his car with loud music for fear of being another Jordan Davis…T. Martin… (🙏🏾❤️) And He is an amazing young man with flaws just like me…but….

So as I think about the power of the mind, the power of so many great AA men, I will continue to bring more positivity and encouragement as we learn of Black men who have indeed faced struggles even now in 2019. These great men and even women who learned to use their minds as a weapon and who are so darn strong that nothing can get to them because…. #FocusisKEY

And when a person tells me that #BlackLives don’t matter and #ThereIsEquality everywhere I will remind them of the items found in school by children who learn to group those shapes and people by those that raise them or the circle they keep…(that noose … or those disrespectful words … )

So as you prepare to read these upcoming blogs that center more on our minority men….open your mind and leave with a positive message versus reading key words and lacking the true essence of my writing….





Published by thisthingcalledlifebyki

I am a woman who realized life is what you make it! I am a mom, an ex-wife (two times), a lawyer, an educator, a librarian, and most important an overall loving person! I am me and I am taking #ThisThingCalledLife and embracing it!

8 thoughts on “Solitary Confinement =Growth

      1. True awareness of thoughts comes from clear mind, therefore better decisions can be made, different perspective can be taking, our view of “things” can be somewhat clearer, instead of being clouded by what we’ve been told, what we’ve been taught and our subconscious worries of other’s judgment.

        (Well for me, at least ) lol


      2. No I agree with this. You know I realized sometimes we do need to be still to hear HIS words and just to embrace all that we have journeyed through. I cannot speak for anyone but self, but I’ve see the true essence in the above. You are right and I think it is that objectivity that you allude to that helps with a clear mind and an understanding of which way to move.
        I appreciate your feedback!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I grew up in what many would call a broken home with many challenges that God transformed into opportunities. My humble beginings were growing up without knowing my biological father. He was married to my mother and left before I was two. That’s when my stepfather came into the picture. I learned many positive and negative lessons from this man. The most important things I learned were about anger and hard work. Allthough my stepfather had a fierce temper , he was an extremely hard worker. He always had two or three jobs, even though he lost many of them because of his temper. I recall an incident when he beat a cab driver with a golf club after a car accident. Ironically, he had a conceal to carry permit, but that is a different story. I remember him getting angry and locking me into the closet or making me stand on one leg for extended periods of time. All this , while sitting in a chair with a belt awaiting the opportunity to beat me for exiting or lowering my leg. I learned at an early age not to be afraid of the dark and to control my anger. Many nights were spent listening to my stepfather fight my mother. The cycle would repeat as followed: They would fight. The police would come and do nothing. They would makeup.
    Many nights were spent listening to this vicious cycle, but God allowed me to awake each morning for school. I was never a discipline problem and was average in school. My family never discussed the mental, physical and sexual abuse experienced by my five siblings. We all coped with it differently. All six of us are productive members of society with no felonies. Unfortunately, I am the only one with a bachelor’s or master’s degree. My younger sister is pursuing a nursing degree after recently completing her associate’s degree. My three brothers have good jobs a are hard workers. My oldest sister has a good job as well. While my brothers have good wives, my sisters can’t seem to find good men. When they do, it seems they prefer men who live a less than desirable lifestyle. Let’s fast forward to when I was sixteen. I got into a confrontation with my stepfather after telling him that he would no longer be allowed to hit my mother. I threatened to get my friends to beat him up. He showed me his gun and I moved out thinking my mother chose him over me. I love my mother and now understand why she made her life choices. Who would take care of six kids, of which three didn’t belong to him. I don’t regret leaving and moving into a boarding house. I worked at Macdonalds until joining the military after high school. The training was easy after all the things I endured growing up. I escaped the poor neighborhood I grew up in and traveled the world with the Navy. As I traveled the world I realized that parents in all countries want the best for their children. They are the future and when my military tour was over, I would become a teacher. The movie “Lean on Me” would later inspire me to be a principal. I am still traveling the road in life and continue to live by the ” Golden Rule.” I would be in remiss if I din’t talk about my loving wife and three children. Like many, I had my first child out of wedlock and went through many classic challenges. I can honestly say that she graduates this year and am a proud father. I have two young sons that I worry about because of how young black boys have been treated. I will discuss this later in future comments. This is my humble beginnings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This touches my heart so much because as mentioned in a blog that I will post later, many are so oblivious to life that they do not have to deal with.
      This is why the world is the way it is.
      I recall one day sitting at a bar (I always have to say this even though I don’t drink outside of socially) and a man asked me a question about a Black man as if I could answer all questions pertaining to Black people. The question was “why didn’t he see how easy life was and he compares his daughter to this man who was very similar to you. He also mentioned his daughter takes care of herself and only asks him for help periodically. What he was too busy thinking was that everyone has the same privilege that he and his daughter had. He owned a major company, he set his daughter up for success by paying for her college and she never experienced the hardships that you, me, and many others has to endure.
      I am also afraid for my son on some days, but because of great men like you and his dad (I’ll feature him next) I’m certain he will be #greatnessInTheMaking
      I truly appreciate your positive comments and you sharing what I know is a hard story to remember.
      When you have not grown up in a particular situation, you can truly understand and if you are not objective, you definitely cannot be an agent of change..


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