It’s Hard Not to Fear…

I can admit, I like to be in control. I know from my past history that I make pretty good decisions; most of the time. Well, I did do that one dumb thing awhile back, and I did do that other one dumb thing, but outside of that, I make pretty good choices.

I even have people come to me for advice, so obviously I am pretty wise, right?

Again this is the logic that many of us have. We can never see when we really need to trust the process. There are those moments that we really do need to walk away, but then there are those moments that we might need to … just stop being a control freak!

I battle with wanting things to go perfect. I always say that I’m imperfectly perfect, but I walk on egg shells and put so much pressure on myself that it has been kind of hard to enjoy things. I’m afraid of failure. I admit again, I’m afraid of failure. I am afraid that I might fail and I’m afraid of what that might look like. And in my mind as long as I am in control, I will not fail. I make a plan and HE always honors my plan, but if I stopped and allowed others to help me, it might be a lot better.

I make lists. I create reminders on top of the reminders that I set. I write down the same goals over and over so I will not “forget” them and honestly I believe it’s a good thing, but I realized I really am pretty darn rigid which really does not leave room for …well for me to step back and truly enjoy that rollercoaster ride I talked about recently.

I’ve been hurt, and I’ve been deceived just like the next person and the person right beside them, and this has caused a ball of fear in me. I jump the gun sometimes because I have this thing called fear in me that has been caused by pain, past experiences, and just overall #ThisThingCalledLife… but that’s no different from the next person.

I want peace just like you and most people, but to do that I have to learn how to trust others without THAT fear and more importantly anticipating what could happen. This is why many of us become our worst enemy because we plan it. We think it. We see “signs” and we “hear” what we want and this causes us to lose out on many things. Now, please don’t think that every case is like this. If the crap stinks, it stinks, but in some cases we do have to learn to ride that rollercoaster and take in all of those pleasurable moments.

I read in my devotional this morning that “You can feel assurance about HIS word without being confident in your ability or your circumstances. Be careful to differentiate from the other” (Shirer 115). You would think this is pretty simple, but it’s not.

If we are given signs or even feelings that something is right, we don’t always have to have that “I must know the outcome.” This is where we miss our blessings. So, today I realized that I might have missed out on something because I am an over thinker. I might continue to miss out, because I don’t feel confident because of fear and I can’t understand…. I am a true believer that we should all be forgiven and we always have to look at the bigger picture, but maybe fear will be the root to losing out on many great opportunities. So when you do have those fears, I challenge you and even myself not to panic and learn to trust that everything should not be fearful and we just cannot live in our past feelings. Be bold and slip those fears into the gutter. Write them down and let them fall and don’t ever pick them back up!

So don’t miss you blessing because of fear…

#ThisThingCalledLife…don’t let fear prevent you from moving forward 😞

Published by thisthingcalledlifebyki

I am a woman who realized life is what you make it! I am a mom, an ex-wife (two times), a lawyer, an educator, a librarian, and most important an overall loving person! I am me and I am taking #ThisThingCalledLife and embracing it!

2 thoughts on “It’s Hard Not to Fear…

  1. My way of dealing with my fear of failure was not to even try that way I wouldn’t fail. This reminded me of the old me so much I thank God for growth. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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