Social media interrupts the peace that many will never have. I love handwritten sentiments. The other day I received this one in the mail.
We are so focused on looking at those pictures that we don’t take the time to write out our own goals. We don’t even take the time to appreciate what others might see in us. I found this meme a few months ago (it might have been at the beginning of the year) that said something like “Will you be my goal friend.” I loved it and now I wish I would have saved it to place it here, but this is what I desire in relationships. Now, I have taken time to vent to people and I have even been on the side of complaining so much that I’ve lost moments of time that I can never get back. But I also have consistent people that text back, send cards back, and just send a positive video to remind me to stay on my own jungle path (check out that blog).
People in our life can block that peace that we have. We can block the peace that we have when we allow our minds to wonder or when we allow those to keep stealing our light.
Now, I’m no exception! I have stayed up wondering things that I have no control over. But I have found that when you are so centered on yourself and your peace, you don’t have time to waste.
I mentioned a few posts ago, that I am pretty much in love with my sorority. The sorors that I gravitate towards are classy, down to earth, and willing to share every step that it took for them to grow. They even let me take pictures in their phones….🤪
As I listen so intently to their stories, they have built me up. They don’t make me feel as a failure because of my second divorce. Heck, they encourage me to sit back and wait on my king charming. They don’t make me feel as if I’ve made poor choices or I’m “wish-washy” because I’ve moved four times in four years. They have applauded me on taking a chance and following my faith. They have also applauded me because they are huge moves and remind me or how organized and strategic I am. They have not made me feel as a failure because my teenage son has transferred just as many times, but instead they share he is going to be an amazing man with so much diversity. They are nonjudgmental and they only allow me to look at the good…
These are the women that I surround myself with. What I have noticed is that many Black women are afraid of their abilities. They fail to see the strength that they have.. WE fail to see our true worth sometimes. This is because society does this to us.
I remember the first time I read an article about Hampton University’s MBA program. To sum it up, students are expected to meet the guidelines of mainstream America. They were unable to have natural hairstyles. I don’t know how I initially felt, but I remember holding a conversation about it in the African American course I taught at another HBCU at that time. I don’t recall the entire discussion, but I remember one young lady sharing she felt this requisite made Black women feel as if they could never be themselves. It also confirmed the ideals that to be a Black woman meant you were ugly in your everyday attire and could never compare to what mainstream looked like. There was more said, but this was many years ago and I took it all in and over the years, I must say I wholly agree.
Black women can make their sisters feel bad, because our standards do not match up with the standards that we have been taught to follow. I grew up with many women in my life, but many in my opinion centered their thoughts on the wrong thing. They did this so much that each time I grew with new Black women in my life, they judged me. “So, how do plan to drive 75 Miles one way, teach five classes, going back 100 Miles the opposite way, and then drive that 25 Miles back to your house and do it for three years?” “Oh, you going to get another degree? How many do you need?” “What happened in that marriage that you had to leave?”
We have been taught to limit ourselves and if I would have allowed those question that came very often in my life to affect me, then I would not be a lawyer now. Now, obviously we do need validation, we are humans! One of my friends (he knows who he is because he reads every blog and sends me responses that I can only roll my eyes, chuckle at, and send him a message saying I really do not like him, has always been that constant. …. Jason, I still don’t like you… but Aunt Janice told me everyone needs love…) periodically gives me that reminder that I am doing well.
Many people look at your social media pages and wonder how in the heck was she able to go here and there? It’s because I had many other Black women to uplift me during that crucial time. When I did have my moments of doubt, they didn’t even allow me to say it. They could see it and they asked, “What can I do for you?” Or “Let me get your house key because I’m bringing you dinner tonight” or “Does Anthony have all of his medicine?”
This is what we have failed to do as Black women consistency.
We look from head to toe at our sisters, from the shoes, to the type of purse they carry and we judge. We wonder how they got that man (and I’m not using that pronoun we anymore because I don’t do this…), they want to know how they were able to obtain that car and they sit and watch every picture that pops up on social media because they are centering energy on the wrong thing.
I love my Black sisters, but I hate listening to them make excuses as to why their dreams are impossible. It takes persistence and the ability to look in the mirror and love what you see. How many of you look in the mirror and immediately find something that you don’t like about your face? Whether it’s that mole or that big a$& blackhead that popped up last night, you can’t see just how imperfectly perfect you are.
You look at the outfit of another woman and instead of complimenting, your face says it all. I am quick to stop a person and tell them how gorgeous they are. I do this so often because we are suppose to uplift each other. Now, although I’m discussing Black women, this truly goes for everyone.
Years ago I went to Target before my class. I have no idea why, but I love Target, so I’m sure I created a reason to go in before work. I was walking through the home good area when I bumped into a woman. I told her good morning and she looked as if she was in shock. She asked, “Are you talking about me?” “Yes, ma’am” I am. We talked for maybe a few more seconds before she asked me for a hug. (My son will tell you that this is so common… I know I mentioned this before and it might be unbelievable but I just have the face for people to ask for hugs. I picked up a seven year old penpal on a solo cruise trip and I have surprised her (thanks to her parents) a couple of times now). But she shared her entitled life story with me in a few moments and said she needed a hug.
As Black women, we (I’m using that pronoun again) can be judgmental at times which prevents the growth that we all need. Can you imagine what would happen if we uplifted a person, and most importantly the person we were genuinely concerned about growing puts in the work?
Over the years I’ve had to block people out of my life. As mentioned many times: life is as complicated as we make it. I love sitting at Panera Bread eating my soup and reading my books. I enjoy sitting in the sun on the beach and watching the dolphins. I even love walking my white pug poodle on the beach and sometimes, just sometimes I’ll let him off only to have to chase him and put him back on his leash. I love Pier One. I light candles and not many incense. I’m pretty particular with my nails and if they chip, I need to go to the shop immediately or find an emory board to file them down. I drink tea with my son. I have even gone horseback riding a few times…
I dress the way I feel comfortable. And I do so many other things that make me happy. “You are acting White….” and other comments followed instead of continue to be you sis….
My circle is dope because I have only kept those that will uplift me, and they have allowed me to remain in their circle because I uplift them.
Today, Black woman, I challenge you to be YOU! ❤️
I also challenge you to compliment another Black woman with sincerity.
A card that a good friend, and soror sent me is evident that words do matter!