This morning my dad called me. He asked what my plans were for the holiday. Apprehensively I told him Jerusalem. I was waiting for him to tell me I travel too much or ask a million questions, but he only asked “do you need any extra money?” Hmmmmmm of course even if you are an adult, we love when parents are willing to send money, but I told him I was fine. He said, I’m really proud of you. I’m glad that you are traveling. To be honest, he is the one that made me like this. By the time I was a senior in high school, I had visited about 20 different states. We traveled a lot. He made me see the world was bigger than my small hometown of drugs and so many other things that it is still full of in 2018. His comment made me happy and I felt proud of myself.
I planned this trip to Jerusalem a little over two weeks ago. It seemed befitting considering this last year has been…. a test… a series of tests… emotional, but seriously lots of learning experiences. I learned so much about me. When I was on the phone with my dad, sitting across from my son at Cracker Barrel for our last meal of 2018, I smiled and embraced what my dad said about me. He said, I’m proud of you. I heard him smile as he said it too.
I was almost afraid that he would ask me why I was not going to put up a tree and stay in Kentucky, but I realized that he is sensitive to my needs. I couldn’t stay at home for Christmas again. For the last three Christmas’, I thought about what I’ve gone through; three years ago, I was in Hawaii and while Hawaii was beautiful, I had a hard, horrible time. The next year I was in Mallorca Spain roaming alone and last year was the hardest because I was driving 8 hours to drop my son off and I stayed in a hotel alone…. I could have been with someone else, a sorority sister or a friend and their family, but I realized I needed to just be still and embrace what I had to endure without trying to bandage with others. I had to be alone… but this year I’m going to share it with a friend who can understand my sentiments.
This year a great friend, soror, sister who I travel with a lot said “Ki, we should go to Jerusalem “ and I told her to send me the info and I was onboard! She did this less than two weeks ago… 🤦🏾♀️. This might be an example of my lack of routine or my spontaneous ways or maybe even my carefree soul? I don’t know, but it felt right and it still does.
I am excited as I travel over 24 hours to pray and cry and she with my friend and laugh and probably shed a few more tears while traveling such Holy grounds. I was able to finalize a serious situation with an important person in my life last night, I was able to mail out cards and small gifts, and I was able to converse with a few people before I left. I was able to close the above so that I can focus solely on Ki. I’m excited about this.
But my excitement is because I know I am growing and maturing as a person. I know this trip will be an emotional one for me to praise HIM and just truly accept what and why HE has allowed me to go on this journey.
This trip will prayerfully allow me to let go of my horrid past and only take in the lessons to make me a better person. It will allow me to open my heart and as my mentor said “release myself from … jail” and see my true potential. Additionally it will allow me to be proud of my future, my past, and accept just how amazing this journey has been. It will allow me to let life happens, because if I’m following HIM all will be just “fine and dandy” ( those who know Dr. Ruff …. knows this is his phrase and it fit perfectly! ❤️
This trip is my #ThisCallesLife…let go of anything that cannot fill me up.
As I continue to remember how dope I am and how amazing I am and you are, I’m celebrating life!
Join me as I end 2018 in Jerusalem to let go and just embrace the greatness I have, and will always have!