I ask a lot of questions. It’s just my nature. I want to understand the: who, what, when where, how, and everything else. I wonder why people take drugs when they see the effects of drugs; I wonder why people do not go after their dreams when they see it is possible; I wonder why people are bitter when they see bitterness will hurt you. I wonder so much. I use to say I wanted to save the world. The reality is, I cannot. I still think with a little love, and lots of hugs, I can touch people one by one.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a young male share that he had brain surgery two years ago. He is a high school senior. The young man smiled, shook my hand, and was so positive during our entire time together. I interviewed him as a part of a program, and a couple of weeks later I still think about him; I cannot stop thinking about him. His positivity rubbed off on me. His surgery was not an ordinary surgery (no surgery is….), but he had brain surgery. He was excited to live. He was excited about applying to colleges and more excited about just waking up he said! He also shared that he will be back in surgery the day after Christmas. I wanted to hug him, but I said a silent prayer, asked an organization that I am a part of to do something for him and his family, and just added this experience to my puzzle. He kept saying “To God be the Glory” alluding to everything that has happened has been ordained by God. I agree. He says he knows that he will be ok and just kept sharing what his goals are. He never discussed an optional plan in case things went sour. He knew in his heart that all will be ok and he will be a continuous walking testimony.
We have so much power over what happens to us. Our thoughts and our actions allow us to be as great as we like. The problem is, most cannot see this. This young man left me believing even more that whatever happens, I will be ok. He is the epitome of a go-getter, a God-fearing young man, and a role model to people.
As long as I can remember, I have believed that our thoughts and our words have power. In high school, I wrote out things that would happen, and they did. In college I did the same thing. In graduate school I did this. My first job and even most recent job, I spoke things into existence and unsurprisingly they always come to fruition. This is because we have power. We control what happens to us. Now, I must add that while everything has come true, I had struggles. I had a lot of trials. I faced many obstacles and felt as if I were backed into a wall sometimes. I ached because of hurt that I felt sometimes. I got headaches from crying. I played loud music to cover my crying so my son would not hear sometimes. I even wore shades to block my tired eyes and smiled even bigger so no one would ask if all was ok. I remember just a year ago how my dog heard me cry, ran into the room and just sat in my lap. Just the story of how I got that dog makes me truly believe the power of our words. My puzzle pictures have pictures and even words on them, and taking the time to reflect, ask those questions that I always have, and just sitting still always allowed me to know what road/route to take. And as a reminder, I need those struggles. I need those tears. I need those moments to remind me about humility, to remind me to appreciate life, and to remind me that I am still human.
I take lots of vacations. I love to get away. Just this year, I have been on a few…..Barcelona, Bahamas, Germany, France, Mexico, a quick trip here…there, and yeah there too….(Jason, I will not even tell it all) because you always judge me…lol) I do this to clear my mind. I do this to sometimes even run away from my personal life. Taking a good vacation, even if it is just to a beach with your dog helps. It helps to allow the negative to be released. It helps to allow clarity in your soul. It helps to remind you to see the positive that is out there. For me, a good trip is not about partying or trying to take pictures of everything that I see, but it is people watching; it’s being able to talk to new people, and if I am with someone, it is about sharing those special moments with that person.
I am preparing for my final trip of 2018. This is where the reflection truly came. This morning I drove to work listening to Janel Monae’s “I Like That” and a few tears rolled down my face. (I told you I cry…! ) I listened to it about three or four or maybe five times. This has been my 2018 “theme-song.” It describes me perfectly “…I’m the random minor note you hear in major songs..” and “…I never like to follow…” because I am me. I share this with everyone, I know myself. I love myself. I love myself to plan vacations and do things that I love. I love myself to take myself out on dates; whether it is out of the country, or to a movie, or to get me a new pair of shoes, I do this to stay sane. I do this to reward myself. I do this because it feels right….and it’s part of my journey…
While I drove and shed a few tears, I applauded myself. I applauded me for being me! Then my mind wandered a bit….here is that transparency….I am a dreamer, I am a believer, I am Kiera O’Shea. I am very random, I love love, I desire to help the world, to love, to be loved, to travel more. I read books about places, and things that people dream of going. And through those tears, I applauded me for being able to take such trips. I have been to over 19 different countries. And I am headed to Jerusalem for Christmas. Words came to mind; King David, Romans, destruction, cross, crucify, Christians, Western Wall, Jesus, Solomon, wars, peace, hate, love….” And if you know me, it didn’t stop there. I thought about Melchizedek and how he is referenced in The Alchemist. I thought about how wise he was. I thought about the sacrifices that Biblical characters made. I thought about their personal destinies. I thought about my personal destiny and how it is aligning up even when I feel like I am being treated unfair. It’s coming Ki. It is coming because as we know from stories of our past: When you want something so bad, all of the world [replace with your omnipotent one] will always feed your wants and your soul! Every question that I have is not always answered right then and there, but it is answered. Why did this happen to me? Oh…..right to be that testimony for that young woman…well dang, why is this happening? Hmmmmmmm (eye roll) to share that with this person. Ok, but what about this? Oh to remind me to appreciate life…. It might take months or years to answer, but I know it will be answered. Why was this person in my life? Hmmmmmmmm
Why did my friend reach out to me at that very moment to take a last minute trip to Jerusalem? Probably because I needed it to cleanse my soul and wash away …..the negative of life…to order my steps and to see that everything is happening for me. In life, one should: see the world, find your purpose, and love….love hard, be loved, and through it all be true to themselves.
As you prepare for the holiday, take a moment to yourself, reflect, give yourself a LONG standing ovation, and start speaking what you want into existence and be prepared to marvel when it comes true!
Yesterday I got so much great news: acceptance into a Ph.D. program for the fall 2019 (I don’t even need any more degrees), and opportunity to grow in my career, and even an unexpected check. I received cookies from my neighbors, a gift exchange that I actually needed from a soror, but I still felt unfulfilled. I felt slighted until I realized that ….whatever we want will always happen and this made me write down exactly what I want ….
#ThisThingCalledLife….what you want, you can get!