I’m a paper hoarder…

I adore cards and letters; my love language being words of affirmation.  I have cards that were given to me in elementary school.  I am sitting in a pile of old cards and letters  now from old boyfriends (hmmmmmmm…Oh how young minded we were, but they are so darn cute), my aunts (one of them sent me a letter when I was a freshmen in college…hmmmm asking where I was at midnight when she called me the night before..I don’t know, but I am sure I was having fun), my dad, my mom, my son, my ex-husbands (who would have ever thought that would have been plural…smh, but I know I was a good wife because I have a post divorce cards that says so…), and so many dear friends.  The one thing that cards share about you (and this is my opinion) are how people see you.  I know that I am very selfless; sometimes too selfless, like almost a naive kind of selfless and my cards show the same thing.  I also know that there are many things that I can do better, but we will focus on my good today.

A really great friend writes in her card to me ” You are an amazing human!  Yup!  Thats right, human!  Woman just doesn’t encompass the magnitude of just how special you are.  You are an example of excellence….thank you for how you have unapologetically loved and given yourself to me and so many others…” and what followed made me cry even more.  And what is so interesting is I think that she is beyond amazing.  She works, she obtained a terminal degree, and she has so many side hustles, she gives selflessly, and her energy is beyond what I think I have ever had, but Whoa!  Someone thinks so highly of me!

In fact, many people think so highly of me.  Another card read, “There are not enough words to explain how much I appreciate everything you have done for me.  From day one you have steeped in my life and have been the mentor/role model I needed.  I have learned so much from you little things like wearing stockings and large things like success is not measure in dollar bill.  The most important thing I have learned from you is to always be myself.  I have began to let things and people go that are negative and may hold me back from what what I work and what is important to me.”  It was signed by a mentee and her P.S was “Always be you (lol). ” This is me!  And as long as I can remember, I have always been true to me, but I have often focused on things that I do not have control over.  Over the last week, I have been much more reflective.  Just last weekend I went back “home.”  I participated in an amazing event; GHOE (The GREATEST HOMECOMING ON EARTH) at my Alma Mata; North Carolina A&T State University.  And this homecoming was so great.  It was great because I reconnected with people who are and have gone through so much of #ThisThingCalledLife, but are manifesting that pain into greatness.  I spoke with an amazing scientist that I adore and we agreed to partner up and do something.  I apologized and received an apology from a dear friend who I have admired so much, I got to hug a new baby and a best friend that I have had for many years, I hugged old students, I was energized listening to how so many people are conquering hardships, but most importantly I was around sincere people who only wanted to see and help a person out of a fire. This is what I have loved about the path that I have been on.  I have always been around great people who are also true to themselves and are willing to help even when they might not be truly together themselves.  The great thing about it is we look happy and good as hell!  Seriously this event gave me energy.  It gave me fuel that I needed to keep up with the greatness that I know I am.  And I say this with all humility.

On my drive back I thought about the Psalms book that I have from my grandmother.  She passed away my 8th grade year, but her Psalms book with her signature is still in my possession, along with several cards that she gave me for my birthday.  Each time I open the book, I am always taken back to the day that she gave it to me.  She told me to learn Psalm 23…The Lord is My Shepherd… As an elementary student with so much to do; talk on the phone, read books outside of the Bible, play with my toys, I never understood why she was so adamant about me learning this Psalm.  I remember calling her daily and seeing her almost daily and she would sometimes “quiz” me on this Psalms.  She was preparing me for life.   Each dark stage, I remembered those words… “He resorted my soul; He leaders me in the paths of righteousness for HIS name sake.  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. She was wise and obviously prayed a lot for me and this Psalm along with many more have kept me afloat and has reminded me of just how AMAZING HE is!  With every scary moment of my life; divorce, divorce (this was the most challenging), my son’s coma (this is a parents greatest fear), and even a more recent scare with my son, that Psalms calms me down.  I can hear my grandmothers calm voice; Kiera, did you pray today?  And I can say yes daily to this.

She was doing what another letter from my aunt; her daughter shared with me; “This is just a test.  She wrote this letter to me while I was in basic training, but she really wrote this letter for me to help me conquer trials and tribulations that God knew I was going to go through.  She wrote, “The confidence you have in yourself, nobody can make you feel like nothing.”  I vaguely remember me sharing with her the difficulties of basic training, but as I look at what I overcame the past few years, I needed  this letter more now that I did at that time of my life.

Life is as complicated as we make it.  Life is as confusing as we make it.  Life is as hard as we make it and to conquer such fears and such tribulations we must take the time to embrace our past.  For me, I use cards to uplift me.  I use words of affirmations to remind me of who I am and where I need to go.  These cards, these letters are part of my puzzle pieces.

Today, I challenge you to keep being positive and find an old card or letter that was given to you and just sit and reflect.  Today, yesterday, the last few weeks of reading through SOOO many letters touched my soul, my heart, and it was assurance that “…surely goodness and very shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

I have always had such a #DOPE circle and I am so thankful!DES 2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s